I have yet to readily discern what my situation is. I’ve been reading this Life 101 book, and quotes from it hit me hard. Perhaps, it’s my subconscious instantaneously slapping in the final piece of the puzzle. Yeah, there’s the finished puzzle. Too bad, I can’t touch the slight crevices or grasp the entirety of it and change my life’s direction. Now, now. What should I do?
"Would you rather be right or happy?"
A sledgehammer hit me in the subconscious and sent tremors through me in one blast. Quite the strange feeling, your entire psyche jumping in fear, rocketing upwards in joy, or taken back in surprise — whatever the hell it was. Profound a feeling it was!
To be right, to be correct, to be justified, to be perfect.
To be happy, to experience joy, to feel satisfied, to be ignorant.
To be right, to feel dominant, to feel accepted, to feel superior.
To be happy, to be rooted in ecstasy, to be secluded for happiness.
Few thoughts. I’m surprised I could put them into words.
Most of my life I wanted to be right. I’m glad I have come to be cognizant of this. I was a robot. A bounty hunter useless without bounties. Not sure if that’s the right way to put it. But I felt completely desolate without other to place rules on me. I kept jumping into games and now I’m dissatisfied with the rules.
There’s that. Plus, I enjoy being right. By teachers, I was praised for this display of “intelligence,” To others, I had the chance of convincing myself through their persuasion that I had something that was right, etched in stone — RIGHT, right in the wall.
Supposedly as I kid, I’ve always been in a search for the perfect and found the verisimilitude. It’s not very perfect as I have found in many occasions. But with regression of time, those little details mattered little. With the synthesizing line of time, more dissatisfaction is being manufactured in this sick meth lab of a world.
But then there’s happiness. For goodness’s sake, I could turn this methamphetamine lab into a carnival if I wanted. Happiness is the ultimate gateway drug in today’s society. It’s one that I have the desire and craving for.
That’s it. Just because it’s a drug, it creates illusions. I don’t like illusions. Magician’s tricks entertained me. But now my very life, is beings veiled before me. It’s arms and legs detached, but coherently whole. Seven swords jabbed straight through, but still alive and without a scratch. Or is it?
Another thing is that happiness is rooted primarily emotion or the emotional complex of the mind, is it not? Then, correctness is rooted in logical cognitive centers. However, to be right is to gain happiness through logical means. And happiness… is well happiness!
It’s interesting how I view these two components as completely in relation to each other… possessing some sort of association with one another.